- While the writing here is crisp and clear, you may want to re-think this whole chapter - the problem is we've seen this scene before
- To make any reversal in feelings work, the interior moments, especially in the earlier pages, have to work
- Be more specific!
- Remind us of why we are here
- Give me more inner thoughts, less action
- Give less description to characters that don't stick around
- Loosen up these scenes and allow more interior
- Give more reactions here, beyond the physical
- Vary your chapter beginnings
- Vary your chapter endings
- No adjective trains!
- Be precise!
- Locate the reader in both space and time at the beginning of each chapter
- Don't allow your characters to only feel something with their bodies. They must feel it in their thoughts
- Your dialogue here is a bit distracting. Cut it down
- Vary your dialogue tags - they are too similar and too long
- There's too much movement in this scene - going through too many doors and rooms - get us there faster
- Slow down and let me be with your character in certain big moments
- Make sure your imagery makes sense
- Plant seeds earlier
- I need a better view of the room and the people in it
- Watch your formatting - make sure when you query that it all is the same - same indents - same letter choice
- Paragraph indents should be 5 not 3
- Watch Mom vs. my mom or her mom - watch how you capitalize or not
- Keep everything, every detail consistent
- You have a tick - the word peak - and you spell it wrong each time - peek - watch for this - watch for other ticks
- In any fight scene - be sure if specific moves - they are correctly done
So there you have it - from my mentor to you. I hope at least some of his helpful ideas help you and your writing too.
Write~on
Angie
Oh - and I've been behind on posts - due to moving to BEND - Oregon --- and trying to revise a query of this book. I hope to have some good ANIMALIA news soon!!
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