Angie Azur is a YA Sci-fi Writer.
Writer for PALEO Magazine.
Former Intern at the Andrea Brown Literary Agency.
SCBWI & COWG Member.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Find Your YOUth Series

Finding Your YOUth Part I

Dedicated to all the moms who have forgotten who they truly are...

Ruts, you know what I'm talking about. You've been married for a while, have kids and you get into these cycles. Everyone's up for school in the morning, eat a rushed breakfast, out the door with minutes to spare, drop offs, exercise/clean/errands, back for pick up, lunch, pick up number two, snack, husband returns, dinner, homework, kids to bed, watch TV. That's it.
That's my rut.

I looked in the mirror one morning as I was mindlessly performing my rut, and wondered, WHAT happened to my YOUTH? Well not so much my age, but me, what happened to the me who had dreams? What happened to the me who felt excited about something, anything? What happened to the me who felt sexy, alive? My me got in a rut....a big one.

I continued my rut, breakfast, kids to school, seperate drop offs, but then I stopped and had a me moment with myself. I wrote down things I used to do BEFORE. Before what you ask? Well, before I had a husband and kids but AFTER my parents had let me go. That time in between when I answered to me alone. It wasn't long, I was married at 23, but there was a time when I was just me.

I was a firefighter, an elephant handler, a lifeguard and an actor. I was an adrenalin junky of sorts. That was me. No fear. I did what I dreamed and I dreamed big. So what happened? I don't know. I guess I stopped dreaming. I didn't think I did, but I'm in a rut. We all get in them. I've talked about this with many of my friends, and no matter their circumstances, they are either in a rut or emerging from one.

So how could I get out of my rut? I know I needed some excitement, something that would give me a rush, pump blood through my wilting veins. I searched my mind, but couldn't come up with anything. That's what a rut is, something you can't seem to break away from... but thankfully I was invited by a friend to do something a bit out of the ordinary. She wouldn't tell me what it was, but she did ask me if I was afraid of heights. "No!" I said.

She gave me an address 370 Santa Monica Pier. I showed up, still not knowing what I was in for, but hoping it would make me scream. I wasn't disappointed. The Trapeze loomed above me, metal beams shooting into the blue sky. The net, was not as wide as I thought it should be. Blood pumped faster.

As I climbed the ladder, my knees shook so hard I banged one of them off of a rung. It hurt. I kept going. At the top, my hands trembled and my stomach lurched. I crept my ten toes over the edge. The HOT, yes HOTTIE, trapeze guide grabbed my harness and told me to let go. He promised he wouldn't let me fall. That was the scariest part, letting go. But I had to. I had to let go to get out of my rut, to follow a dream, to try something new, to get over a fear, and to prove to myself that I was still in me somewhere.

I took a leap and swung free. Staring out over the ocean I screamed. It felt wonderful to scream again, to feel adrenalin, to not play it safe. And as I let go of the bar, falling toward that small net, I screamed again.

Rolling off onto the pad below, my knees buckled. My hands shook wildly. My breathing was rapid. I hugged my girlfriend and thanked her. We played on the trapeze for over two hours. I tried a backflip and a catch and accompished both of them. And as I rolled off the net for the last time that day I knew my rut was over.

So to you I say get out of your rut! Find your YOUth. Make your AFTER/BEFORE list. Remember who you were and follow her dreams again.

loved escaping under bridges
rode my bike everywhere
played with the elephants at the Pittsburgh Zoo
Lifeguared at a Lake/Pools
Firefighter at 14
Acted in Pittsburgh Theatre/Independent Film/Commercials
Played release with my friends in college
Pitcher for Fast Pitch Softball Team
Strong Swimmer
Taught Exercise
Love to Read/Write
Threw Parties
Paint with Oils
Loved to Dance

Go make your own!
The next rut stopper - swimming with Sharks!

1 comment:

  1. I love this. thank you so much for adding me to your FB friends so I could start getting to know you. I'm going to make my before/after list becuase I am in a rut BIG TIME. You just made my night. And by the way, Eddie had serious attitude with me for picking him up. The grass is definitnely greener at your house! Thanks again.